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Steve Novotney Says, "A Grizzly and a Poodle Walk in the Woods"

I guess it could actually happen, and the good news for the poodle is that inland grizzly bears are typically smaller than those along the country's coastlines.

It'd still hurt, though.

Grizzlies are members of the brown bear family and were originally named by explorers Lewis and Clark. "Fear inspiring" is how they explained the species after encountering the grizzly during an expedition one day, but they survived their dilemma.

But would a nipping and barking poodle?

A full-grown grizzly bear weighs in between 400 and 800 pounds, and an average poodle is between 35 to 65 pounds. The grizzly has an omnivore's diet meaning he consumes both plants and animals, so a poodle might just make for a tasty appetizer.

Like an egg roll.

The most recent grizzly bear attack took place in Montana in June 2016, but in the Mountain State the Division of Natural Resources investigated a black bear attack after a man in the Mount Nebo area in Nicholas County experienced a dangerous encounter in August 2015. The hiker was bitten several times by a female black bear after he mistakenly trekked up to a cub along a trail.

The report does not indicate whether or not the man's buttocks were bitten.

Now, why in the world would a grizzly bear consume a poodle? Agitation, most likely, especially if the poodle were indeed nipping and barking disrespectful tweets over and over about the grizzly concerning budget proposals, taxes, and mine safety, and the poodle even threatened to end a conversation if the grizzly used language like "rocketships, rainbows, and unicorns" … although the poodle misspelled "rocket ships" when publishing the tweet on social media.

The grizzly bear responded with a couple of comments broadcast by West Virginia Metro News last Friday:

"I hate to say this, but it's just the fact. I've done more in my little finger for West Virginia and West Virginians than (the poodle) has done."

He added:

"It's almost like a grizzly bear walking through the woods and then a poodle walking behind him, barking and nipping and all this kind of stuff, for nothing. And basically, at some point in time, if I'm the poodle, I'm concerned that the grizzly bear is going to get tired of all the tweeting and the little crap that's going on and turn around and eat my ass."

And the grizzly bear sure seemed serious, too.

But see, instead of talking about solutions to the state's $500 million budget deficit, West Virginians now are telling this tale about the grizzly bear and the poodle, and that tells us all the situation is far bigger than an 18-karat dog mess.

That's what the grizzly bear and the poodle should be embarrassed about instead of the poodle's continuing the nipping and barking over the weekend in an effort to further divide the people.

It's such a tired tactic, too.

What the people of this state need is for our legislators to responsibly do what they were hired to do and NOT kill our state's future. West Virginia needs to be attractive to gain and retain residents, and while a grizzly chomping down on a poodle might get big numbers on YouTube, it sure wouldn't be a reason to stay or move here.

Some maturity, I believe, would go a long way.

Categories: Commentary